"Fear: an unpleasant often strong emotion caused by expectation or awareness of danger."

I found at the back of one of my english novels. (Unity (1918) by Kevin Kerr). It was used book. The reason that I'm writing about this is that this passage really gives me a very nostalgic... (maybe that's the wrong word) feeling. I'm not sure if I expressed on this page the inccident of "The Ring Tape," so I'll quickly summarize what happened. I was In Japan and It was probably around 1 1/2 months into my stay when one evening while mindlessly surfing the Internet I stumbles across a web poll asking: "If you could watch the "real" ring tape (re: the movie: the Ring) would you?" Without a thought I answered YES! I'm into scary movies... not because I paticulary enjoy being scared and losing sleep but the feeling is on par for those who like to go sky diving... the adreniline rush! Anyway, little did I know that they had a link to the "The Tape!" Being alone and 1 1/2 hours by trains which have already stoped running from a familar english speaking face I chickened out... unitl early Aug. (2005), after I had returned from Japan. My friends were planing a vacation to Vancouver, BC and I was going with them. It was the perfect oportunity to watch the tape as I wouldn't be alone (omit bathroom breaks) for 6.5 days! With work on the 7th day.... I did it. I watched it, and was sorely disappointed by it. >.< the images on the video was a preview of the 2nd installment in the ring movies.  Very frustrating for someone who had been anticipating it since mid febuary! Oh, disillusionment is painful! Ok, so my facination with ring was reaching a breaking point but I didn't want to let go yet so, while in vancouver I tracked down the translated book (Ring by Koji Suzuki) and began reading it. This was what the whole phenomina was based on so I figured it would be worth the effort. (The first book is pretty similar to the movie (Japanese and Korean versions) so it didn't really spark any emotion in me. Back to the story... NOTHING happened during my vacation, of course, but a strange coincidence did come to light. On the second day woke up with the TV in our room on and we politely reminded each other that the last person awake should turn off the TV before they go to sleep... This did not seem to be happening though as whenever we woke up the TV would be on... One of my good friends (Jony) has the remarkable ability of naturally waking up early. (I believe he said this on the 5th day,) "Yeah, the TV turns itself on at 8:00am every morning!" Needless to say, this startled me greatly. I was now having second thoughts about my rashness in watching the tape... even if it was a studio gimmick. But he quickly reasured us (myself) that whenever the TV turned on the word "ALARM" would be appear in the corner of the screen... so the TV was probably set as an alarm by the previouse inhabitants of our suit. I wasn't completely as easy though... The day I got back home (arriving ~ 5:30AM) was the 7th and final day.  If there was any truth to it all I would find out that day. We had taken the night bus home and I had originally planed on sleeping on the bus then going to work the day we arrived. (Work started at 8:00am) Unfortunally we hadn't anticipated on just how cold the bus would be and none of us got more than 3 hours of sleep. I got about 1.5 or so.  I decided not to go to work that day. When I got home it was around 6:30am... I promptly went to bed.

I drempt about her! (the girl in the ring :Samara/Sadako) In the dream I was having a party ( i guess in part to celebrate being alive... or coming home... I don't recall) and during this party we were joking about her. I wasn't in front of the TV but one of my friends (guests) alerts me to the television being on. I, getting scared, turn it off and tentativly resume my conversion with another friend. I notice it this time around... the TV turns itself on again... and (like the movie) it static snow (a japanese youphamism for the static when a station is not broadcasting.) ... I'm scarded out of my mind (really I was so scarded in this dream) but somehow I'm transfixed by the scene. I watch as she crawls slowly out of the well... I stand unmoving as she stocks in her undead maner towards to the screen and I stare wide eyed, screaming silently as she reachs throught the television, invading the world of the living. ... I run. It was foggy outside in my dream  but I round out but.... there nothing you can do! It's already too late and just as she kills me I wake up. Cold sweat is a very unpleasent feeling... My hands were clammy and I was literally shaking! I was so scared after that I couldn't go back to sleep. I know how irration the fear is. I'm not stupid but after something like that my impressionable minde couldn't handle it. (it was around 12:30pm) I had finnished watching the tape around 1:00pm-2:00pm 7 days ago. As nothing really happened during the 1st 6 I had forgotten the exacte time. But from 12:30 on I sat in front of my television in my living room (the one she had crawled out of in my dream) holding a book (to take my mind off it... futile atempt) staring at the TV shaking. My mom was probably confused to bits watching this unfold but I didn't feel like explaining it to her at the time. The clock struck 1 and I really began to shake... My hands and feet were so cold... I just sat there staring at my television (turned off.) I thought I saw the reflection in the black blank screen shift once... Which really scared me... I think I was rocking back and forth after that... 1:05... 1:07.... 1:09... 1:10.... 1:11... 1:12... 1:13... 1:14... 1:15... 1:16... 1:17... 1:18... 1:19... 1:20... 1:21... 1:22... 1:23... 1:24... 1:25... 1:26... 1:27... 1:28... 1:29...1:30... 1:32... 1:34... 1:37... 1:40... 1:43... 1:47... 1:55...2:00... 2:10... 2:25... 2:40... 3:00pm.

I've never been so scared in my entire life! Never! I went back to bed after that. The next day i went to work... I had a slight fever! The human pysche is really amazing... I scared myself sick!

looking back, I don't regret doing that. Even though it was completely idiotic and irrational of me. I still think it was an amazing experience. You all probably think I'm mad now but I really do appreciate what happened. I didn't gain a new prespective/appreciation for life (you know, the near death experience people) but, that moment (btw 1:00- 1:30) I have never felt more alive! It's like all of your senses are tingling and so sharp and concentrated that you can see all the invisible engeries (I'm talking about physics, not anything spiritual.) It's actually kind of sad now... I wonder if I will acomplish that kind of extreme emotion agian... next time I hope it'll me something closer to bliss. >.< Well, that's what I know about fear... It's not all that bad; so long as it's all in your head.

Good night.

PS: sorry about the shit grammer and spelling, I'll come back and edit sometime... I have good intentions to anyway... >.<

UBC sent me an official notice of admission!!!!!!!!! I just heard and I'm so happy. Now I don't have to worry about which university I'm going to and just enjoy the rest of my time in Japan, which will be awsome as I'm going to the World Expo!!!!!!!!! (the happiest things in my life at the moment!) The world expo will take place in Aichi which happens to be really close to Kyoto and Nara, so I'm definatly going there too! Ah *sigh* I'm loving life right now! ^_______________________________________________________________________^

Life is AWSOME!

what eles can I say?

http://www.expo2005.or.jp/

http://www.ubc.ca/index.html

My already broken english has deterated and is detererating at an alarming pace. I'll probably have to take english classes when I get back! No, it's not that bad but I've lost anykind of eloqance I might have fancied having before. There, see! It's terrible!

Anyway, last sunday (the 27th of Feb.) my school had a overnight field trip to this really great place called Nikko. I think that's how you spell it. It's pronounced knee-co by the way. It's way up on this dormant volcano so there was onsen at the hotel!!!!! (hotspring) WOW! that was really, really awsome. I think I'm got a new addiction! We also saw the imfamouse monkeys when we where walking around the city. They're apperently really strong and clever. The shop keeper actually chased it away with a broom! Too bad I didn't get a picture of that. I did get a picture of this really famous waterfall though. I forgot the name but once I find out I'll add another post. This waterfall also happens to be a VERY popular place for suicides!!!!! (don't drink the water, it offends the spirits.... that river goes to hell you know!) lol! >.< Anyway, that's all I really wanted to say this time. I'm off to sleep now. I have a Kanji test tomorrow and I have morning class too so it's best if I actually get some sleep tonight.

Mata ne. ^^

There was an earthquake early this morning (the 16th of Feb around 4:30am.) It wasn't a really big one but you could definitely feel it. I think it was around a 3.somehting. The epicenter wasn't in my prefecture though; maybe it was in Chiba but I'm not sure. Even though I got the diluted version it did wake me up! Although I doubt one of this calibure could wake Flo up (*wink wink*... for those who know flo... particularly GBSO group.~.^) It kind of feels like someone's shaking you (with some force) to wake you up, then you realize that it's not just you but the bed and the floor and the walls and everthing that's shaking. It's scary when your alone in the dark, but once you realize that it's an earthquake and that it's not big then you can enjoy the experience a little. >.< You think I'm crazy now right? Anyway, It lasted for less than a minute and I'm perfectly fine. ^^ Just thought I'd let you know.

PS: It also snowed today. It's warmer back home than here right now! The snow here though is really beautiful. It's not as malicious as at home, here it falls rather gently. (the picture is just of a random house taken while wating for the train)

PPS: HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR! ^_^